Monday, midway through my voyage to Orient Point, the rover decided to play dead. Then it figured “to hell with games; let’s make it a reality.” In Flanders. On a fuel dock. Luckily, my knight in sweat-stained Judas Priest-praising armor arrived in under an hour, and, after much prodding, gave me the breakdown on wheels and the ways of a man who mans eight of them.
- If you have major hots for your mechanic, buy a Bentley.
- If you think he’s kind of cute, a Lamborghini, Maserati, or a good ole Range Rover should suffice.
- If your mechanic has Bud Light breath and nostril hair, buy a Honda.
- Don’t double park on Deerfield, no matter who’s throwing the party. If you do, and you or the valet catches the impounder, it’ll cost $175 to convince him to give it back.
- You can listen to an 160 decibel stereo and not lose your hearing.
- You can ride a motorcycle at 275 mph and not die.
- If you are planning on doing this, do not buy yellow motorcycle gear, just in case.
- The Nintendo 360 has the best racing graphics.
- In terms of clubbin’, Porky’s is where it’s at.
[Image via IDCow]
